To the Mamas in “The Year of The Vibrant Mama” Facebook Group

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Dear Beautiful and Amazing Mamas,

Sometimes it takes seeing others shine in order to help us be brave enough to do it and keep doing it. I give thanks that you mamas. You have made time in your day to  take care of yourselves. And yes I said made, not found. Even if it was only to take a deep breath, you did it. On top of that,  you’ve given us the gift of your self-celebration.

I don’t know about you, but even though my mother is a wonderful mama, who is fierce, extremely generous, and a woman who gave me the tools to be the woman I am today,  my mother, like many women of her time (and ours) struggled to put her needs first. I, as many mamas in the world,  have inherited this legacy of putting everyone’s needs before ours. But a change is happening. It’s a slow climb, but I am increasingly seeing mamas make the time to do something nice for themselves, even if that something is taking deep breaths, being present for their own feelings or sleeping in an extra hour.

I am sure there are days when you tell yourself, I can’t do it, I can’t find the time. But what you’ve shown these past couple weeks is that there’s something in you that’s bigger and brighter than that voice telling you, you can’t. I see that you are listening to that voice that says to you, ” You deserve this!”

I am no fool. I am WELL AWARE of  intersecting systems that make mothering challenging. There are many mamas who are the primary caregivers and supporters of their children, mamas who have health challenges and mamas who simply just need more support. If you are one of those mamas, I applaud you even more. This applaud is not rooted in the ” Super Mama paradigm.” I am in support of mamas getting what they need to feel their best, not super mamas. The job of raising children was not meant for two, let alone one person. If no one ever tells you, YOU ARE DOING YOUR BEST! Even if it doesn’t always feel that way. You are!  I affirm that you too will find what you need in order to parent in a way that feeds you.

That being said, this post is my way of giving each of you a big hug. I am so thankful for you and for how you’ve inspired me.

Keep shining beautiful mamas.

 

With love,

GaBrilla

Self-Care And Allowing Ourselves To Feel GOOD(because we deserve it!)

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Today marks Day 11 of 30 days of Vibrant Self-Care. When I first created “The Vibrant Mama” over a year ago, I created a Facebook page called “The Year of The Vibrant Mama.” This space is an online gathering space for mamas, (both whom I know personally and some I’ve met online), to give and receive love and support on our journeys towards taking the best care of ourselves while caring for others.

For the past few months, I had not been posting as much. Recently that has changed. In addition to other postings, the ones that have been the most inspiring to me have been those inspired by the 30 days of Vibrant Self-Care. Inspired by a friend who created a 30-day challenge for artist to write a poem or song every day, I decided that I wanted to amp up my self-care. The response from the mamas in the group has been deeply inspiring. Each day, I am so happy to read so many mamas posting their daily self-care rituals. It’s beautiful what inspiration can do. I find that even when I am not as intentional about my self care, I can look to the page and find something that tells me, go head mama, do you!

I often wonder about the factors (besides having to care for small people) that keeps us from committing to doing things that make us feel good. I understand that we can’t always feel good, but mamas, more than not, definitely have less feel good experiences than most people in her family. We’re changing that.

How can we change that? What are some things you are willing to do to change that? What are some of your self-care practices? Please share them with us in the comments.

10 Ingredients for Making your Dreams Take Flight

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1. Set a schedule and stick to it the best you can 

I know when you have a little one or little ones it can be difficult. I adapted a timing system from a friend called “20:4” (20 min of work; 4 min of mindless meandering online or elsewhere). From it I created the 15:5: 15 minutes work and 5 minutes of play with my daughter(or children) (sometimes I reverse it: 5 min work and 15 min play depending on the need). Lots can be done in small intervals. Showing up EVERYDAY is what is most important. Figure out the time that works best for you.

2. Say NO to ALL thing that threaten your creativity, your work/craft, your self care and your family time

Taking on too much  AND taking on things that drain us is something that can wreck havoc on being able to nurture ourselves, our children and our dreams. There have been I have had to say no to that late night movie to finish up on a song or times when I chose to forgo an extra 30 minutes online to take my daughter to the library or park. These are small adjustments (I don’t like the word sacrifice) that have made all the difference in my creative life, my self care and home life. It allows me to make the most of the precious time I have.

3. Eat well (Lots of veggies, fruit and water)
It goes without saying that what we put into our bodies impacts how much energy we have.  I have been doing an elimination diet for the past three weeks and my level of energy has increased and my unhealthy cravings (sweets and deep fried foods)have decreased significantly. Eating well is a HUGE key to taking care of myself.  Everything I am working to create in my life relies on me being healthy. No better way to begin than to put nutritious things into my body and frankly, there’s no way around it. If I want to feel better, I have to eat the foods that are best for my body.

4. Stay calm and breath when unexpected things come up.
When I am able to get present with what stories I am telling myself about what is happening, wisdom follows and questions like “What lesson is there to learn from this situation?” or “ How can this be done differently?” But if I cannot stop, become present and breathe, then all seems to fall apart. There is nothing like three deep and mindful breaths to center and ground you.

5. Ask for assistance when you need it
Reaching out and asking for assistance can be difficult if you are accustomed to doing lots on your (or feel that way at least).  I have learned from bouts of being completely overwhelmed by “Super Mama Syndrome” that by getting in touch with what I need and letting others in my circle know how they can help, I can lighten my load and avoid total burnout.

6. TAKE CARE AND TIME FOR YOURSELF!
This could be an entire book (and there are plenty out there), yet there remains in the collective subconscious, a  belief that mothers should spend all their time caring for others and take no time for themselves. If there are people around you who will not support you in caring for yourself, find new people to be around. Hire a babysitter and take a nap, take a walk. Trade childcare with another mama friend. Whatever it is you need to do. No one is served by you falling apart, especially you.

7. Align your Beliefs and Values
As an artist, integrity is often a topic that comes up. I had a conversation with a friend of mine who is a Music Producer. We talked about creating music that sells versus music that is “conscious with a positive message” He expressed guilt for having produced songs that were not contributing in a positive way.

Whatever we create, let it be aligned with our highest values regardless of how much it sells. I know that is better said than done, especially when there are bills to be paid. Ask yourself “What will I be able to tell my children about integrity and self-respect if I release a song or any creation into the world that contributes to the problem rather than the solution?”

8. Network (and Mentorship)
There are tons of articles about asocial media,  so I won’t go into it too much here. I will emphasize the importance of mentorship: being mentored by others and mentoring someone else. I find that when I surround myself with people who have more expertise than I, in subjects I’m interested in,  I learn so much and am deeply inspired and motivated in my work, knowing I have people I can turn to for counsel.  And when I am mentoring someone else, either formally or informally, I am also able to be of service to someone else’s growth in a way that is deeply fulfilling.

9. Know your worth
I recently watched a video by Kate Northup that was deeply education and inspiring. The thing that stood out  most for me was her bit about value and our sense of value being connected to our feelings of worth. Even though she’s talking about money (and sharing important stuff), it is important that when we think about our worth and the value we hold, that we think in ways that extend beyond money. More often than not, in our families we will not be “paid” for our contributions– at least not monetarily. When we think about how much we contribute and what our value is to our families specifically, we should be able to live from a place of knowing that we are worth being taken care of (by ourselves and others), we are worth being respected and receiving the best care.

When we know our worth, we will not allow our time and energy be spent on activities, conversations and people that do not contribute to our sense of well-being. When we value our self and know our worth, we expect and require the best of ourselves and others.

10. Stick with it. Live your dreams.
This, above all else is the gold– To keep moving. When you are scared, keep moving. If you slack off, pick that pen, guitar, paint brush back up and keep moving. Your dreams came to you for a reason. You are the only one who can bring them into being.

 

Long Overdue

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yellow magnolia

This post is long overdue. It has been about three weeks since I’ve posted anything on my blog. The last Monday I was supposed to post was the Monday the bomb went off at the Boston Marathon. I couldn’t write anything then. No words. Just a lot of feelings. I felt the need to unplug. That day was yet another reminder of how fleeting and short life is. It was also a reminder of how necessary it is for us to hold who and what’s important to us, a little closer. A little longer.

The week that followed I was in the magical and deeply intellectually stimulating place that is my low residency program. Every six months or so, I go away to Vermont to spend yet another eight days crafting my study plan and continue the journey of completing and receiving my degree. The program works out perfectly for my family and me because I am a full time mama. I simply don’t have the time to be in a classroom for 6-8 hours a week.

Now  I am back home. Back into the swing of things and in addition to school work now added to the mix, I on a journey to experience more wellness and vibrancy than I ever have before in my body and mind. While I was away in addition to my meditation practice I added asana to my practice. As of today, I am on day 6 of a 21-day elimination and anti-inflammation diet (more on that later) and I feel very clear and very light in body and it hasn’t been a week yet. I am a little tired, but that’s to be expected when you cut the crap out of your diet (detox). But I remain committed. The first three days are the hardest, but I feel my meditation practice has deeply supported my inner resolved to commit to habits that bring more vibrancy into my life.

Upcoming Event

I have more exciting news. I am hosting my first (of many) MamaCreate workshops. At the workshops, I will introduce three practices that I use to help me be more present and calm when my children are not :)

Please check out the flyer and if you’re in the area, come on through.

MamaCreate Grove Hall Workshop Flyer

 

Small Steps Towards Change

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Yesterday, I spent a large part of my day with a good friend at a park, while the children played, ran and chased dogs.  The original plan was for us to meet for our sangha gathering, since some of our group members were unavailable to meet.  The sudden shift in weather and one fiery two-year-old prevented us from practicing sitting meditation, so we sat and talked about our spiritual paths and practices instead.

One of the themes that was constant in our conversation was how the past informs the present and how to transform thew way our painful pasts have shaped who we are. More often than not, our painful pasts have created a  deeply protective self. I know for me personally, I am often on guard. My deep recommitment to my spiritual practice is beginning to soften the armor I wear in the world and the surprising truth is that I feel more brave without my armor now than I do with it.  I am beginning to know a truer, deeper sense of safety within myself that doesn’t require keeping my defenses up. This is daily work, moment to moment work.

Recently, I have been going  into the hard, dark and scary spaces of my pass. After many years, I finally feel strong and supported enough to give them air and most of all, give them the attention they’ve been crying out for, for so long. So,  now that I have gone there, felt the pain, allowed myself to process the past, How do I transform who I am into who I want to be? How do I go from being a very protective self to a more open and truly fearless being?

When I have big questions, one of the places I go for answers is books. Lots of them. I am a voracious reader.  I read a lot of books on personal transformation, meditation, you name it within the self-help genre, I’ve probably read it. But what I’ve learned recently, is something many of those books leave out, is that change doesn’t just happen in the mind. Changing your mind is a HUGE part of changing your life, but it doesn’t end there. If I want to become a better listener, I can read about it, talk about it, and even imagine myself doing it. But until I actually practice sitting with others and deeply listening to them, I am missing the mark. I am living inside my head.

I am learning, through my own experiences, my own mistakes, my own practice and inner dialogue that change has to be embodied. We have to move into it,  literally. In addition to thinking and envisioning ourselves differently we have to act and “be” different. And being different requires small consistent steps. Each minute I sit. Each minute I stop to really listen to my son or just walk with my daughter without doing anything else, I change. Every time I get present, I change. Every time I let myself feel everything I am feeling fully and deeply, both good and bad, I slowly step more into the mother, the woman I want to be. One who is OK with being in the present moment. One who is OK with right here and right now, regardless of how hard it is. And it gets hard sometimes.  I am learning that this is the key to living a vibrant life–striving  to find a little bit of joy in every moment, a little beam of sun in a cloudy sky.

What small steps will you make towards your change today?

 

Being Juicy When Things Go Wrong

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Last week I recorded videos for “The Vibrant Mama 10-Day Jump Into Juiciness” almost every day. The beginning of the journey started out strong. I had the videos in the inbox of my participants before noon. By day 4,  the emails were sent out later. By the end of the 10 days, the times varied. What was most important was that I got the videos completed and sent. Another thing I learned, and was pointed out to me by a good friend, is that I shared the realness of living my life, as well as  walking a path of living vibrantly regardless of what’s happening in my life.  Being juicy, happy and vibrant can be something we do even when things are not going the way we want them  to.

My husband has been suffering with severe back pain, which made it hard for him to do anything. That was hard for both he and I, since we work so much as a team(I sometimes forget how much until one of us is down-physically or emotionally). In addition to his injury, one day last week, I woke up with a VERY stiff and pain-filled shoulder and neck. I couldn’t turn my head! You think I let that stop me from posting my videos? No, I did not. That’s all a part of this journey. Being able to do something, anything that is in alignment with your vision, passion or purpose each day is what’s vital. Even if you’re just sitting thinking about it and haven’t made a “move” yet. It all feeding you.

I would be dishonest if I were to imply that I don’t have bad days and that you will not have bad days. I think it dis-serves my own growth and the confidence of others to promote a belief that everything will always go the way we want. It won’t. I strive to demonstrate and share tools that are a reflection of the belief that we can tap into a larger, more beautiful, creative and amazing space within us.  A space that will give us the energy to move forward, to create lives that are reflection of our highest ideals, even on days when our kids and partners and we are sick.

Living juicy, vibrant and wonderful lives is not about something outside of us. We truly are like succulents. Our juice comes from within. Sure, there are MANY tools out there to help us reconnect and I hope this site and the experiences and insights I share is one of those tools for you. But the real magic is inside you.

What are some of the ways you stay juicy, vibrant and joy-filled in the midst of a storm?

Jumping Into Juiciness: a 10-Day Spring Online Adventure! Begins Tomorrow!

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Even we just got a ton of snow dumped on us here in New England, Spring begins tomorrow !!!!!  I can’t wait for the time when I can finally put my hands in earth, my feet on warm grass and finally be able to plant seeds.

VM Jump into Juiciness header

In the spirit of “planting seeds,” I have created “The Vibrant Mama 10-Day Jump Into Juiciness.” It is an opportunity to plant new seeds and to water the positive seeds that have been planted within us at different moments in our lives. Moments that we may feel far from us when we are submerged in the day to day of parenting and just living.

Beginning tomorrow,  ”The Vibrant Mama 10-Day Jump Into Juiciness” is a daily opportunity for you to reconnect with that joyful, playful, adoring and loving part of who you are. Interested? Join me by clicking here!